The Journey

I believe everyone is on a journey. Some people continuously reinvent themselves, changing paths or directions every once in a while. Some people follow the same road or even follow the leader. I believe in setting your own path. Making your own way through life. Not to say that occasionally you have to play follow the leader or at least take some part of their road. But you should make it your own. And I believe this is true with just about every facet of life. Take for instance my weight loss journey. I don't know how many times I have started the journey, got lost along the way, found myself again, changed paths, succeeded but never crossed the finish line. I can pretty much say this about every avenue about my life. Not many regrets, but there are some so we must we live and learn.

So here I go again, starting a new journey. Not "new" in the term of never done before but more of a reinvention journey. I was perusing the blog world and I came across a sentence that made me go hmmm. "the weight loss defeats you’ve experienced in the past are not failures at all. They’re the lessons you needed to learn in order to succeed this time! Now you know what doesn’t work and you’ll understand better what will work now. When you believe that you can be successful at weight loss (because it makes sense)  you’ll lose the weight. It sounds too simple, I know, but it’s the truth." (source) This isn't my first rodeo, even my first ride. With both times I lost major weight, there were a few key things that I did, and it worked. One being I counted calories and the other I lifted just as much as I did cardio. OF course the second time I around towards the end of that journey I did more cardio (a lot of cross training) because I was doing races by that time but both journeys had weights involved.

Both times that major weight loss occurred I had such determination. But I also know in my life no matter how much determination I have, I can sub-comb towards a bottomless pit in a heart beat. I have to keep myself mentally in check. But I truly feel at this particular stage of the game, I feel better mentally and emotionally. Not to say that I don't have my days that I feel like burying myself under the covers or in a bowl of queso. Those are the days I have to watch myself. Those are the days I have to find strength outside myself. And I'm learning to do that.

LONG TERM GOAL: 150-155

SHORT TERM GOAL: 2#/wk

31 days of Opportunities

Let's add one more thing to my plate. I'm taking up a challenge to write everyday in October. (The Nester) I'm already supposed to be writing "morning pages" everyday for a class in church that I'm taking. So I may or may not share these pages with you. Or I might pull a certain topic from these pages to discuss. Either way, I'm going to treat each and every day as an opportunity to be in the moment. Rather that moment is being creative, developing my relationship with Jesus, being with my family or whatever the case might be. Everything can be an opportunity.

But may be more importantly is to see if I can do this. I mean don't get me wrong, I really don't want to add one more thing to my plate but I'm intrigued with those that write blogs, especially for a living. I have my handful of blogs I read all the time and some write everyday, some write once a week. And I've always wanted to be consistent in doing writing. So why not give this a whirl. Who knows what could come out of this opportunity.

A leap of faith in time

I saw a hummingbird out my office window this morning. I watched it while I was on the phone with my boss. Trying to hold the office phone, juggle my cell phone (so I of course could take a picture) and raise my blinds….but alas I didn’t capture it. He was a beautiful green little hummingbird. But it made me smile. It made me think that everything is going to be okay. That while we might have expenses we weren’t expecting and less hours at jobs, we have plenty to be thankful for. Watching my little green friend made me celebrate the success of today and not worry about the stresses of tomorrow. To think that God created such a little creature that can bring a smile to anyone’s face when they see one. It is a random creature in this big world. Which is how I feel today, random.

What if you knew you weren’t doing what you are supposed to be doing. But changing is difficult and the unknown is scary. So what do you do?

I’ve got that feeling. I feel like I have a message to share, to spread to the world like a raging wildfire. So what do I do? How do I go about it?

Some may say that I need to pray, to ask God for direction. I’m not a good prayer but I’ve been told no one is. I’ve prayed to God before about direction. Show me the way, Lord. But maybe I’m too impatient like most, I want instant answers. But I imagine God doing just like I do with my own kids, “patience my dear”, “just a minute”. And to God what is time? When will I get my answers?

I have felt this way before. It comes in waves. There are several instances where it stands out. One about 5 years ago. I started simplifying things. Making changes. Which lead me to quit one job and start a new one. Then I got away from my simplification process and decided I needed more once again. Decided I had to hold this or that, rather it be job, position, title etc. And then I get put in my place once again. But I feel unsettled once again. Like the simplification process needs to ramp up, again.

I could just take a leap of faith. I have faith that all things work out like they are supposed to. Sometimes the way we want them to and sometimes not. But in the end they are for the best rather we think they are. Think about it. If some of the things that didn’t work out worked out like YOU wanted them to where would you be now? Hmmm? I know I wouldn’t be in the place I am now. For sure.

Taking a leap of faith is scary. Everyone has to be on board for it or at least those that it will affect the most. But I don’t think the world would be what it is today without those that decided to take that leap of faith. But I have responsibilities too. But maybe my responsibilities need to have priories placed on them. Are there things I could change? Absolutely. I have already started making some changes. But I know there are more changes I could make. And just maybe amongst those changes, reality could take over and the answer would appear. In time.

I had a dream not too long ago, when I was having a period of time that I felt unsettled. I don’t remember the dream except for what woke me up. In a whisper I heard, be still. Go ahead have goose bumps. I felt so strange after that. And it hasn’t left my mind. Be still. It’s hard. But maybe if I take the time to be still I will find the answers I need. In time. 

For now, I will live purposefully. I will listen to the wind, feel the sun on my face, watch for my friend the hummingbird and I will try to marvel at God’s beauty in everything.

Learning as I get Older

I’m learning to say no. I’m learning to say enough is enough is enough…..I can’t go on, I can’t go on. Sorry I digressed. Seriously though, I said enough. I’ve always been the one that would go out of my way to help with something no matter what. I volunteered first. I had to have control. I had to be the one doing it, doing everything. You need a homeroom Mom that’s me, you need someone to run your committee that’s me! I had to be large and in charge. Serving others is a gift of mine. But I can take it over the top at times.

This got me a reputation of “the know it all” the aggressive person that very few people wanted to be around. I wanted to be the boss and I acted that way but I wanted you to like me too. I’ve battled what people think all my life. Trying to please everyone. Make everyone happy. And it has cost me. 

Recently, I’ve been taking a step back. You could say as I’ve gotten older I no longer need to be large and in charge. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a leader, everyone is. But I no longer seek the limelight. I yearn to be the quiet, timid, in the background person. I’m beginning to realize that you can still serve others without being the large and in charge. You can still be the “go to” person without all the hoopla that I just don’t have time for any more. 

But it isn’t easy to step back and just do. To step back and not be the one making the decisions. Rather I’m the one cleaning up after an event. I’m the one making sure people are empowered to do what they need to do without taking the credit for it. I struggle with it. It is a war inside me. 

There is another part to this. I’m learning to say no to doing stuff. Life is too short to be over booked, over planned etc. I’m starting to do what is important to me, to my family instead of doing what everyone else is doing. I’m not following the crowd because I want to be part of the party. I’m doing what I want to do, what is important to me. I’m learning to slow down, smell the roses parse, notice the sunrise, the sunset, the moon. I’m spending time with my hubby in the mornings reading the paper, drinking a cup of coffee. Dreaming again of what we want as a family and what I want as an individual. All the other stuff isn’t as important. In the end it just won’t matter.

So I’m learning to say no, I’m learning to let go.