Wrestling with the time sucker........

We all know the expression….so much to do so little time. I can so relate to that! And today I’m adding so many books to read so little time……I have over 370 books on my “want-to” read list on Goodreads. I’ve often caught myself saying, if I could find a way to read all day long and get paid for it, I would jump on it but then again I’ve said that about many of things…….

Could you image Jesus saying the same thing? “So much to do so little time” I mean he lived 33 years (or so I’m being told), a short life in our human terms. And yet even though he isn’t here physically, he is still doing so much. Could you see him sitting at Starbucks drinking a latte kicked back reading on his IPAD? I totally could. Just an everyday man sitting back relaxing before he goes out and saves some more souls! Awesome!

Anyway, back to my original thought. I sit and ponder sometimes how I can incorporate more reading. What is it that I’m doing that is taking away for one of the things I enjoy? I mean really, there is the evening routine of cooking dinner, clean up, homework, eating etc….but what is it that I am doing? We flip the TV on, easy peasy right? Ugh, that just confirms that I do need to get rid of that cable box. I mean even last night if we hadn’t found Hope Floats on the upper channel we probably would have watch some re-run or senseless show that is a waste of time when it really comes down to it. Really, how much Storage Wars, Pawn Stars, Survivor Man can one watch? Apparently many, many episodes. TV can be such a time sucker. We always seem to have one on, somewhere. And with the exception of the bathrooms, we have one in every room, yes including the garage.

No, I need to either go in the other room or just sit back with my Nook and read, I’m pretty good about zoning out noise when I read, especially if I am in a good book so it shouldn’t be a problem. I challenged myself to read 42 books this year. I would actually like it to be 50 but I figured since I’m going to be 42 it is a good number. I’m already behind. It is the 9 days into the month and I’m supposed to be ready on average 3 books a month…..hmm…..better get on it.

New Year's Expectations

As like many today I'm thinking of what I want the new year to bring or better yet what I want to accomplish this next year. This is the first time in a long time that I'm not sitting down to decide what races I'm going to do although I already have at least two planned. One marathon in April and one in November. What happens in between is anybody's guess. I really have no expectations on that front. I might do a triathlon or two and I would like to do a few trail races too. But I'm not thinking too much of that right now.

My word for the year I think is expectations. Wikipedia says this: In the case of uncertainty, expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected it is a surprise. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order. (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Expectation_(epistemic).
This is something I need to work on because my expectations often give rise to the emotion of disappointment. And then I have to deal with that aftermath. No, I set my expectations very high then when they don't workout the way I have planned them to or in the TIME I want them to I hit the bottom. Sometimes I can recover but lately I have not been able to recover as well. And I have dwelled at this bottomless pit for some time now. But I'm climbing out.

Here are my big expectations, and not in any particular order:
~Lose weight (50 pounds). I have let myself become out of control. Or as I say, my give a dam is busted. I'm not sure why. I used to care a lot but because I have the "I don't care" attitude I have gained almost all my weight back. I hardly workout and I definitely don't watch what I eat. And because I lean more towards the addicting personality I have a hard time doing some things in moderation, including cutting down or back on certain "bad" foods. So I think I have to cut them out all together, at least for a while.
~Reduce debt/pay off debt/save: I grouped these together because it really goes hand in hand. Several things will be paid off this year including our car. But I still have a huge student loan and we have no savings. I want to develop a budget and stick to it. I want to do a lot to the house, I want to take a nice family vacation, etc, etc. But most of all I want peace of mind that we have everything paid on time, we have savings, we can tithe and I don't wake up at night trying to figure out how to rob peter to pay paul.
~Daily devotion: This is something I've never been good at. I have every opportunity to get up in the morning with Jim and use that quiet time yet I don't. Of course I've said several, several times that I would get up when he does and I don't. I know if I don't devote the time in the morning, I probably won't any other time in the day.
~Have a weekly date night with hubby: I really enjoying going out and it just be us. Even going to shoot pool or go get a glass of wine somewhere. Of course this usually happens on Friday nights and he works on Saturdays so our nights can't be too late.
~Family game night and family movie night: most likely to be Sunday and Monday nights. I want Sunday to be an unplug day where none of us get online, text, email or watch TV although I think the latter is probably pushing it. I would say no video games but we could play the xbox as a family. I just want it to be us doing something as a family. Of course this is our only day to get things done to the house as well so we will have to see how that goes.
~Don't over schedule......I'm getting better at this. But with two kids in sports as well as my own activities sometimes it feels like we are over scheduled. But if we utilize those days were we don't have anything "schduled" and use that time as a family then I think it will help.
~Be better organized and get things done....I'm good at some and not so good at others. I sometimes suck in the Mommy department, something I need to work on.
~Work on the house....I think we if choose one thing to work on until it is done things will start to get done.
~Take a vacation.......I would love for Jim to make it back to Pennsylvania to see his family. And I would love to go to Colorado again...there are several places I would love to go.
~Get rid of excess things....not buy too many new things, try to reuse, re-purpose and swap. Thrift store, craiglist, word of mouth shopping.....we waste a lot as a family. We eat out way too much. We buy too much food at the store and don't eat it. This also can go hand in hand with the above saving and budget.
~Work with the backpack program at Elliott's school and maybe a food pantry at the church.
~Develop my blog more.....blog more.....I have a lot of good ideas and I like to share and talk so what better way than to do this.

Well that seems like a mighty list. I'm sure I have other thoughts and I should write them down but then I have more to write about then don't I.

The Lego Man

Like many we have tons of Legos in our house. There isn't a room in this house that doesn't have a lego in it. And yes I'm sure if you look in our cars you will find some too!

So why with over thousands of legos, why would Santa bring more this year? Because the boy is obssessed. He got 6 legos sets at Christmas. And we aren't talking about any small sets either. I'm talking the big sets.

It isn't any surprise that by nights end he had 4 of the six sets completed before we stopped him.

It probably isn't any surprise that the very next day his Christmas money was burning a whole in his pocket and off to Toys R Us we went where he purchased another two sets. And it isn't any surprise that the Lego store was hit yesterday with yet another set. And it surely isn't any surprise that those two new sets are together and as of right now the last of the sets purchased or received is being put together as we speak.

 

And I'm sure before the weekend is over we will end up at Walmart purchasing yet another set or two of legos. The madness won't end........ 

25 days of high expectations

It’s the most wonderful time of the year……or that’s what the song says. I’m sitting here listening to Christmas music trying to figure out why I have this “meh” feeling? Is it because we are so busy this weekend that it seems over-whelming? Is it because I’m so busy at work we can’t see the end of the tunnel? Is it because my expectations for everything seem to be so high and so many things so unreachable or “not just right” that it is just disappointing and so then I go “why bother”? Hmm, I’m not sure what it is. But I know I want it to be the most wonderful time of the year.

I want my children as well as myself to remember what the holiday is all about. I don’t want it to be all about how many or what they receive for Christmas. I want it to be about Jesus, about giving to others, about family. So this year I told Emily that I was going to do the four gift Christmas. I read about the idea last year but in my heart I wasn’t prepared to do it and I even find myself leery about it this year but I also know that if we don’t start making changes now it will just be harder. The four gift idea: something you want, something you need, something to read, something to wear. I was even going to do a bonus and add something to watch.

I want Monday's to be movie Monday's were we watch a Christmas movie. Even if it is only an hour at least we will all be in the same room. I want wrapped Christmas stories to be unwrapped and read every night, I want daily advent time. I want, I want.....or wish or expect or dream. Doesn't it sound beautiful and wonderful. When in reality I know what it might turn out to be.......

I've been going back and forth, wavering on my expectations because I don't want the kids to be upset but I also know in my heart what I want, what I expect. May be I shouldn't, may be I should just let it go, but I am so tired of society making to so very difficult to raise a good valued family. Parenting is hard enough, and no I'm no giving up just because society is making it difficult and yes I know it is my job to decide what to do or not to do, or to subject my children to, so yes I will continue on my quest. I know there are some things you just can't change. And I know that even if their is some disappointment or my eldest might think I'm totally off my rocker, it might just plant a seed somewhere in the midst of their soul and if somewhere down the line it grows and blossoms into more then I have done my job.

It also helped that I ran across this blog today and it makes total sense. When You Need To Lower Your Expectations This Christmas So I will pray for patience and open the hearts of my family. So before we are off to the soccer marathon weekend, I'm going to put out some family traditions and get this party started!

The Last Race of the Year

Over the course of the year, I have had the privilege of running 18 events for a dear friend, Becky. Last year she was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. I will remember the day her daughter, Jessica called me, my heart sunk like a lead balloon. And as the weeks began in her fight I knew I had to do something too. I came up with the idea of running one event for every week of chemo she would have to endure. Anything went from duathlons to 5K to triathlons to half marathons and we would end with a full marathon. Jessica and I set out on a mission to bring awareness to a deadly disease to do our part of the fighting of pacing her to the finish line. Last Sunday we laced up our shoes once again to hit the road for our last 26.5 miles.

I came into the race under trained because of my own struggles throughout the training season with my family but I had committed to doing this so I was hoping to pull on past races to be able to dig deep from strength the dwells in me and I was very thankful of having a great friend run beside me as well as having others cheer us on. I wasn't nervous all week but something was off, I was stressed or unbalanced, worried that I would be that last one in on the pickup truck as they pick up the road closure signs. And yet I wanted to finish in a time period. I want that good first marathon time. Ridiculous. I mean any marathon finish is a good time because you finished. Right? Jessica and I had put a lot of time in encouraging each other when we needed it. And I'm thankful I had someone by my side through the whole thing!

That morning we woke up in Tulsa and started making preparations. I was out of my "normal" race routine and preparation but I was going through the flow. We left to go down for a big group photo all the while I was trying to maintain a good attitude a free feeling laid back it is what it is attitude and I was doing pretty good until someone mentioned a time cut off. Ugh, there goes my mindset. It went down hill and I don't think I ever shook it. So here is a helpful hint: don't talk about cut offs minutes before a race start. You don't know how your words affect other people's mental game. I had none. Now I know I shouldn't have let it affect me but I think I was more worried than I thought, more stressed out than I thought and that was the final straw so to speak.

Anyway, the first half of the marathon went well. I even came across a bar/restaurant with my maiden name. It was like my family was with me along the way:

We walked a little around mile 8 because my knee started bothering me but we continued on and had a great half marathon time. I felt good, I felt powerful. We were having fun, cheering others as we passed them. I would have to say it might have been one of the most quiet runs we have ever been on together. I just didn't have communication in me......

Neither one of us have ran this before. We had heard it was hilly, and that was an understatement!!! Some where along here I started falling apart. Jessica did her best to encourage me but I felt like I was holding her back. I told myself just to make it to the center of the universe. I was having to take more walk breaks by this time. My legs just felt like lead. I was trying all my tricks. Eat more and drink more but I just couldn't shake my mood. Finally, we made it to the center!

From this point on it was all mental. My legs just continued to feel like lead. We walked more and I watched our good time disappear. And I felt that I was holding Jessica back. I even told her multiple times to go on if she wanted but she stuck with me. And I can't say how grateful I am for that! I was trying to tell her mentlly to tell me a story to keep my mind off of the race but I just didn't have the words. I had kept Jim informed of where we were at along the way. He tried to meet us towards the end but I told him just to go to the finish line. He said we are at the last hill. So as we turned onto 21st street Jessica and I kept that in mind as we climbed hill after hill. And then we finally saw them and our boys! It was the push I needed to finish, even if it was just done the hill and around the corner. Tears fell instantly, we had finally done it!

It was an experience I will never forget.And although we didn't finish under 6 hours we did finish in 6:12 which is so much better than I thought we did. Again I so grateful to have experienced with a great friend (and all my other peeps) for a great lady!

My looking mirror is broken

I've got that feeling again......antsy, not where I'm supposed to be, not doing what I'm supposed to, some thing's coming, lack of focus on what I'm supposed to be doing. Ah, man I've broken my looking glass thingy and can't see what is coming around the corner. I just know something is coming. Change. Great, perfect timing. May be it is just a yearning to redecorate my house. Probably. But then again, my house always seems to be in a constant state of disarray. Although cleaner today than it has been of late. Chaos seems to always be lurking in our household too. Or just being scheduled to the hilt. I try so hard to keep activites to a minimum but with both kids participating in sports it is hard. 

I have 18 days until I run my first marathon. I should be ecstatic but I find myself going, eh no biggie. Partly because I'm way under prepared and partly because I've found my focus changing lately over the whole racing thing. Don't get me wrong. I love to train (most of the time), I love participating in events but I'm finding that my life just doesn't revolve around the next event, the next get together, etc. Of course I say that now but I will probably be involved just not racing everything there is. I find my peace when I work out. Rather it be lifting weights at the gym or running. But I've found a pull that wants to run more trail running. I want my family to be with me enjoying it just not on the sidelines cheering, volunteering or taking pictures. Although having your own personal photographer is nice too!

That all being said, I know that I have to work out. I'm becoming more okay with myself however I do want to change. It troubles me that I've hit a roadblock for the last several years with my weight at the exact same point. I'm determine to break that roadblock and because of certain things that have happened recently I think that is actually possible. The fact that I'm becoming okay with my weight with the way I look tells me that I'm at peace with an issue that battles so many women and men. Of course I do have my moments, my pity party moments, my Eeyore moments but I think everyone does and that is absolutely normal.

So back to feeling antsy. May be its because I'm running a marathon. May be its because I have so many projects I want to do at home and not enough time or money to do them in. May be its the time change this weekend. May be it is a lot of things all wrapped into one. I don't know. But whatever the wind blows in I know I'm ready.......

Rambles of a Scattered Brain

Random thoughts today because I feel scattered brained.

~I’m actually getting excited about Little Bat’s school year. Meet his new principal and assistant principal Monday and let’s just say they ROCK!!!!! After meeting with our original psychologist last week, I feel tons better on the direction we are going. Understanding more about Little Bat or it might be that I have listened to that voice that was so crystal clear not too long ago that said, be still. So I have and I’m seeing more about him than ever before. Good along with the frustrations. Anyway, after talking with his principal, I think he is going to have an amazing year!! Or at least that’s where I’m leaving it at right now.

~House projects are slowing coming along. Baby steps as my Mother says. I got a really cool cabinet done over the weekend and just threw some of my milk glass in it. I will take a picture of it when I have the time to rearrange it some more. So the bedroom is coming along nicely. Still have to hang some items. I want to make a couple of pillows for the bed too. Would like to at least paint our bathroom for right now, because it is going to be a major overhaul when we do it but I think we can do baby steps in there too.

~I’m hoping to make progress this weekend with the entry way. I would like to get some bead board hung and at least the little nook painted. I got some remnant fabric on sale at Hobby Lobby and I think one of them will work very nicely with the bench in that area. Fun fabric too! Can’t decide what type of coat hanger I want to use. I’m thinking I’m going to use what I got but paint it a different color than the wood coloring it is now. I also want to replace both boob lights on the ceiling. I’m thinking industrial type pendants?

~Stained concrete floors? Whatcha think? Might try it in the game room first before may be doing it in the kitchen or maybe we should try the entry way area, smaller and possibly not cracked. See our entry way and entire kitchen area is tile. Disgusting tile! Being that the kitchen area is so big, we are going to have to be conservative in what we do.

~We finally got rain yesterday. And the last few mornings have been somewhat cool……which gets me yearning for fall weather. I love the fall! It’s my favorite season. Of course I was born on the first day of fall so go figure that it would be. I have several fall theme decorations I want to do…..plus Christmas will just be around the corner don’t ya know.

~I’ve been toying with the idea of doing my full ironman next year. My thinking is that Sister Bat will be entering high school next year and will be getting busier and busier. So even thinking of doing long distant races will be crazy after that. Little Bat although busy will probably start getting busier, so I’m thinking I best take advantage of the not so crazy time and go for it. Of course I haven’t talked this over with Daddy Bat but like I said I’m just toying with the idea. It also means I have to get my bat booty in the water (pool) and start swimming…..oh how I love that L if I start now may be by next September I will be better confident in my abilities or disabilities in the water. Ever wish you could walk on water?

~So many things to do so little time……