A Frigid 1/2 Marathon.....

So this past Sunday I ventured out in 22 degree temperatures to run another 1/2 marathon. My heart wasn't at all in this one but it eventually got there. Something about race day excitement that pulls most people into it. Anyway, this whole adventure started when a friend of mine set out to make it her first marathon. You see they give a pretty cool medal. And when it is your first it is even better. This was my medal from last year.

I went to this race under trained and like I said not really wanting to do it and really really not wanting to do it after I saw the forecast. COLD, FRIGID COLD, like Alaska cold. In Oklahoma. But alas I had my own words thrown back at me "Suck it up buttercup". And off we went. It was a really uneventful race. They changed the course from what it was last year but it was still hilly!! I love hills though, I know I nuts, but really there is nothing like an accomplishment to see this big looming hill and know that you just ran up it.

These are the girls I started and finished with. I have ran along side these girls in the majority of my races for about 4 years now. The far one on the right, Becky, is a cancer survivor and I ran 18 races (number of Chemo weeks) for her last year ending with this race as a marathon. The girl 2nd from the left, Jessica, is her daughter and we ran all of those 18 races together. The girl on the far left, Christina, ran her first marathon back in April and we all ran with her but Becky, who unfortunately was sick due to a complication with her cancer.

I don't have a picture of Gena or Jaimie who both ran their first marathon there Sunday but they are the only reason I went ahead with the plan to go. I was originally supposed to run it as a marathon but the lack of time to train told me I shouldn't. But I was able to be there for them both at the end.

All in all it was a good race despite the cold weather. We pushed each other along and even today I don't feel as bad as I did. Of course the bling, bling didn't hurt either!!!

One layer at a time.....

I am so not where I’m supposed to be. Do you ever have that feeling? I’m having it constantly lately. I have a sense of urgency to create. I have these creative ideas right now regarding remodeling our house, of crafting etc…..and I feel like I have absolutely no time to do anything.

I’ve also had thoughts of how I can give back to the community. How I can take my creative juices my talents and use them to give back. I have found several new blogs (new to me) about women taking up the ole power tools and creative, building and redecorating themselves. I find that I enjoy doing that too. Where others hate to paint, I love it. I loved making the plank wall with my Dad. I love tearing walls done and starting with a new slate. 

But what can I do. I have an 8-5 job. Sure I’m working on paying bills down in hopes to be able to leave this job. But is that smart with a daughter going to college in less than four years? I don’t know. I think it would be cool to flip houses. Don’t get me wrong, I know it would be a lot of hard work, frustrating at times and all. But I think it would be so cool to see a project like that from start to finish. Or even to help someone work on their home and the happiness they would have after the project was complete.

I read a lot of different blogs. But I’m finding that some of the DIY blogs are all about the latest and greatest trend. In fact I think some have even created the trend. But I’m finding myself leaning towards the unusual. The use what you go to make it look natural, funky, rustic, classic. I would so love a farm house and everything right along with it. Are they dreams or should you make them happen.

 Have faith, step out, take a leap of faith….I can’t help but think of the scene in Indian Jones Last Crusade where he takes a leap of faith and you don’t think anything there but there is that path……

oh how I wish I could take that leap of faith and my path be there. Until then I will just continuing to peal back the layers......

The scale rocked my world today

Things fell apart when I lost weight 5 years ago. I let the world around me take over. I forgot who I was, where I came from, who loved me. I fell hard. I almost lost everything. Since then it has been a constant struggle with my relationships, with myself. I’m scared. I quickly gained weight back that very year I hit my goal weight. I’m not quite sure how much weight but I’m pretty sure at least 20 pounds, the next year 10 more and the next, well you get the picture. And now 5 years later, I’m back to what I started out at 6 years ago when I started that journey. Sure I’ve tried to lose that weight every year. I start out with great ambition, knowing I’ve lost before, believing that I will be able to do again. I get about 10-15 pounds in, I hit the magical number of 180 (give or take a pound or two) and then I hit a brick wall. It’s almost like my body knows and it puts the brakes on like a screeching train going over the tracks.

Today I stepped on the scale, 211. My head started screaming, my heart broke and even now as I sit to write this tears threaten to come pouring out. Clothes don’t fit or those that I can actually squeeze into bulge, and squeeze in places I don’t like. I sent a text to my hubby 

                Me: “I officially cannot fit into any of my pants”

                Hubby: “I am sorry. I have faith u will get thru it”

But instead of wallowing too much I have picked myself back up. I reached for my “Made to Crave Devotional” and started reading again. I had left off around Day 6 last month. So I’m going to do a brief “catch-up” and continue forward.  I obviously need more help with this than I have in the past and not from just a trainer either.  I’ve never really thought of Jesus helping me through this but why wouldn’t he? Why wouldn’t he wants what is best for me? May be I am still holding onto all of this and that if I just let it go and let it be…..things will work.

So here is a recap (This is from the Made to Crave 60 Day Devotional by Lysa TerKeurst

Unsettled – oh I feel so unsettled right now. I feel like everything is out of control. But allowing His touch to reach the deepest parts of me…..Goodbye to my remnants, my justifications, shards, and tendencies. This is not who I am….nor who I was created to be.

What if I let God down? – When I don’t have peace physically, I don’t have peace spiritually. I can’t separate the two. Nor should I……never thought of it this way before. I have always thought of them to be two separate entities not related, one not having anything to do with the next. 

The Right Questions – Define ourselves by our obedience not a number on the scale. We are never supposed to get should satisfaction from our looks. Our looks are temporary; if we hitch our souls to this fleeting pursuit, we’ll quickly become disillusioned.

Consider It – “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds” James 1:2 Every time we face this moment of temptation, or we are tempted to stray from the commitment to make healthier choices, it’s a trail. We must consider it! Our feelings may be a true indicator of what we are facing, but they don’t need to dictate our decisions.

Blessings Ahead – The path of perseverance. Perseverance means having an urgency, firmness, resolve, and consistency. Protection – this trail may be shielding me from something in the future that I may not see: provision – God is providing me with many things I never expected to come from a trail; process- making lasting changes is a process. Gaining truth – and this a biggy….gaining truth of who I am in Christ and how I am made for more than this constant, self-defeating struggle.

It’s All in the Family – We are only one good choice away from being back on the path of perseverance. God’s love never fails, nothing can separate us from God’s love, love is patient, and God’s love is not based on our performance. Food equals love, comfort and peace but food cannot love back. How true that statement is. I find myself turning to food for comfort, for love, for peace in times of tribulation. But it is only temporary and soon turns to remorse or regret because I know what those chips and queso will do. 

I’m going to pick back up now and try to write a little something every day about this journey…..hope you can join along with me.

Living Consciously

I want to consciously live my life. I’m a reactor by nature. I sometimes react before I think, shocker I know. But I’m not so happy about it. Sometimes I feel remorse, sometimes I don’t. But I so wish I was one that didn’t react. That just sat in the back, observing, listening…..so I’ve been thinking how I can better approach my life in this way?  

Conscience - the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one's conduct or motives, impelling one toward right action; self-knowledge; the complex of ethical and moral principles that controls or inhibits the actions or thoughts of an individual. 

con•sci•en•tious - controlled by or done according to one's inner sense of what is right; governed by conscience; careful and painstaking; particular; meticulous; scrupulous: conscientious application to the work at hand. 

dil•i•gence - constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or mind  source

One would hope we make conscience decisions every day. One would hope, I would hope. But as I look back over situations I find that I haven’t. How could I say I have when I’m back to almost my highest weight? Again, like a broken record. I don’t consciously choose to eat better at a restaurant. Instead you eat a whole basket of chips by yourself and then wonder why you weigh what you do.

There are so many things you could apply being conscience to. Making a conscience effort to choose your attitude, to be nice to someone, to make someone smile, to pray, to do _______.

 I never really looked at it this way. You could say that everything you do in life day in and day out needs to be a conscious decision. Impelling one toward right action. A lot of what we do daily is unconscious, second nature and that is fine. But the important stuff, the life changing stuff needs to be conscientious. Praying, food choices, exercising, attitude to yourself and others…..you catch my drift.

So as I sit and drink my tea looking out the window at the fall day, maybe I can consciously make decisions. Well I will make a conscious effort each and every day…..baby steps my friend.