A Second Chance

 I have had my fair lot of second chances. Even my marriage is a second chance. This is our second marriage for both of us and we have been married almost 16 years now (together almost 19). So I would say that was a good second chance. Heck there are even things that warrant a third and forth second chance. Even Maggie got a second chance of another family.







There are some things in life that you can't do over but you can improve on. And there are somethings you can't get back or a second chance or a do over. And that is time. Time with the family, time with your children, experiencing their firsts, seconds, etc. Watching the band practice for the umpteenth time. All important milestones. You don't get many second chances.....

It is important to me more and more every day that I be there for my kids in every way I can be. I feel a strong urgency to do so. But it always hasn't been the case. I've been pretty selfish in my life even when it comes to my kids and my hubby. That has all changed recently. And as we take steps to change somethings in our family life I'm realizing more and more, its okay not to do those things I once was so passionate about. I'm not saying not to go out and be your own person, do your own thing. I'm just not going to go out for every thing that I was did. I guess you could say my passions have changed. Half of me is disappointed and half of me is excited for this journey in our life.

Some of you know that our son has Asperger's and ADHD. Next week his IEP changes at school to include the Autism Spectrum. Meeting him you wouldn't think he is anything other than a high spirited little boy. And for the most part he is as well as an exceptional story teller. But you don't get to see everything we do. Its our normal and it almost comes second nature to us. He is so much a joy and blessing and finally we have a new team of doctors helping us. Just the other day I was thinking how blessed we are to have them in our lives, especially our one physiologist. Because we are getting a second chance as a family. She is helping us with our perspective of Elliott, how we should work with the school system (instead of being defensive, Mom), how we should change the way we do somethings at home that will not only benefit Elliott but all of us.

My level of expectation is high, like it is with most things in life. I need to learn how to relax that level and enjoy the process and ride. But it is hard. So when she told us to establish weekly dinners again, my mind starting spinning with all the family things I want to do and expect. It didn't go as talked, as planned but it was a step in the right direction. I'm so looking forward to the changes we are making, to the second chances of being the best family we can possibly be and I don't want to miss a thing.

I'm not serious right now

I get daily verses from Air One Radio Station. Today it was from Colossians 3:23 “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” Gasp! Swallow hard. It is like the verse is talking straight to me. I’ve been goofing off at work. Not taking my tasks seriously, not really taking my job seriously as well. Sounds horrible considering so many are furloughed right now doesn’t it? It’s not that I don’t like my job or where I work because I do. Like most jobs it has its pros and cons. Just right now, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to work. I want to be home to take care of my family and home. That’s where my heart really wants to be. And so I don’t put 100% into my job. Fleeting away are the dreams and aspirations of being a project manager, having a title and making lots of money. Well maybe just money because I work for a municipality and let’s face it, I ain’t going to get rich here. Some would say but both your kids are in school all day, whatever would you do? I would just be there for them if they needed me. I would take care of my house. I would just be a Mom. Years ago when I was in the military, I had a friend that was making sure I was staying on the correct path. At the time I was married to a jerk, no kids, and very young. Anyway, we were talking and discussing future plans. At the time I thought I wanted to be a veterinarian, live in a log cabin on acreage somewhere. But during the bus ride from base to our hotel he said, what if your destiny was just to be a Mom? I don’t remember much more of the conversation other than thinking, “Are you crazy” that’s plain dumb, that isn’t a career, that isn’t much of a job.” Fast forward even 5, 10 or 15 years later after obtaining two degrees, getting remarried, having two kids, you would hear me saying, “I’m super woman, I can do it all. Have a career and raise a family”. You know those women. Like Diane Keaton in “Baby Boom” where she is heavy into herself and her career only to find after taking guardianship of a little girl, that being a Mom is just as important. Love that movie. But now I’m not so much into the career. And really the last month or so I’ve really felt the pull not to be here at work and to be at home. Right now, financially it doesn’t make sense but 8-10 months from now it might just be doable. May be that’s why I feel the need to simplify, reduce spending, save more, etc. even so much to be taking “Financial Peace” at church. I just want to have the opportunity to be there for my kids when they get home from school. Until then I need to work willingly at this job in this particular season of life. Until the next season unfolds.