Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Delusion of Illusions......

Illusions….magicians are great at this. It is what magic is all about.  Part of the definition of illusion is deception. I’ve never thought of it as a deception. But think about it, you have this grand illusion or expectation of what something should be and then it usually, most of the time doesn’t quite work out to be the illusion we had had envisioned or it was a total flop. Yet we keep wanting the illusion, we get excited picturing it, dreaming about it, trying to make it happen with all our might. Then bam, realization hits or you have aha moment and your bubble is busted. Your illusion is never going to happen. The below summary really nails it:

That’s right an illusion is a delusion and a delusion is a persistent false belief. Wow. As I sit to write this my mind is going in 15,000 directions, well may be not that many but it is bouncing around a lot. Like Tigger does - bouncy, bouncy, bouncy. But as I reflect on all the things that are going on in life right now it only seems fitting. I have this illusion that I can have a picture perfect life. My kids are perfect, my husband is perfect, I’m at a perfect weight, I love my job, I love where I am, yada, yada, yada. Right! Wake up Christy smell the coffee. I have this persistent false belief, perception or idea that I can have it all. Not going to happen. I have to stop this madness. This up and down that things are going to work, if I just work hard and it, if I just read this book or that book. That everything will work out like I have planned perfectly in my itty bitty mind, and then they don’t so it sends me spiraling into pity party mayhem. If I just plan more things then all of the sudden my family will go, oh yes I would love to spend time together. I would love to have that special family night. Oh I want to show compassion, empathy, love, comfort, etc towards one another. Oh please, can I? Sheez it ain’t going to happen sista!

My family works better if we do our own thing. I have succumbed to that realization. It isn’t an illusion it is fact. I need to find peace with it and except it. We are not going to be the Walton’s or the Brady Bunch or whatever. We are us. We are not “that” family we are us. We function apart just fine and occasionally by some miracle intervention we come together for dinner, or a movie or 5 minutes during advent. Then we go about other things.  It works, it’s not perfect, most will criticize but it works. I just need to celebrate my 5 minutes here or my 15 minutes there. Praise those times instead of wanting the illusion. I will probably be happier for it. I want to be happy to have the Peace that the Lord wants me to have. To be joyful of his plan. May be instead of focusing of the illusion that's not going to happen I should be rejoicing in the plan that God has put forth in my life. It is right in front of me......seeing is believing. Rejoice.

Monday, December 9, 2013

I may not be......

I love to read. Always have. The thicker the book the better, even when I was a little girl. In fact I tease Emily because she doesn’t read anything over an inch and a half. I love all books, with the exception of romance, but I tend to lean towards memoirs or auto/biographies. Why? Because I can read those and go, “you know my life isn’t all that bad”. It’s a reminder to me that my life doesn’t suck after all. 

So when I stumbled onto a blogger that hasn’t posted in a while it was a wakeup call to me once again that life doesn’t suck for me.

I may not be where I want to be right now but……
                I have a job

I may not be at the weight I want to be but……
                I have my health

I may not win the Mother of the Year award but…..
                My children are doing amazingly well 

I may not always agree with him but……
                My hubby is a wonderful man

I may not feel like cooking every night but……..
                We have food in the pantry

I may not have the cleanest and perfect house but…….
                Our house is warm

I may not have the newest and latest car but…..
                My cars are paid for

I may not be where I want to be right now but…….
                I have faith and trust in God that I will be soon.

“Nothing taken for granted; everything received with gratitude; everything passed on with grace.”
~G. K. Chesterton