Friday, May 4, 2012

I got nothing......

"True joy is that which gives us more energy and makes us feel more alive." - Robert Puryear
I stole this quote from a fellow blogger To say she is slightly less than amazing isn’t doing her justice. Anyway, I believe that everything happens for a reason. And more and more so I believe that it is God’s hand not just “chance”. I am hearing his voice more. So it isn’t a surprise that as I am perusing around blog land and I see her latest post about finding joy. Today isn’t a joyful day in my world. I’m not going to go into why, sorry. But I will say my joy is gone today and I have absolutely no energy. No energy to fight the cravings, the crying, the lack of discipline…none, zilch, nada, nothing.
It has been a long time since I have felt this way. I have worked hard for the last three months on not comforting myself with food or beverage (alcoholic or not) instead of comforting myself with prayer. Hard believe me. I gave in this morning, again, second time this week, to my wanting to be comforted by food. Krispy Kreme donuts. Twice this week my joy has been sucked away from me. I have been able to recover and turn around both days but the fact that I succumbed not once but twice tells me that I still have a lot of work to do.
I truly believe you should do things that bring joy into your life and cut strings with those that don’t. If you can’t cut strings then you must find ways of dealing with those things that drain the joy and energy right out of you. I have been working hard on myself, trying to better myself not only physically but spiritually as well. I want peace. And I have been feeling pretty peaceful lately. Today hit me like a MAC truck. But I refuse to let that MAC truck drag me behind it. No I’ve been praying. Praying that God will somehow, some way take care of this, do something, anything. I can’t handle this truck by myself. I need the strength of God to keep me from dragging behind this truck one more mile. I don’t want to live in a life with no joy. Life is too short and I have too many things to be thankful for!
It will get better I know. And I mean it will all get better. If not then I will just become a truck driver…..

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