Gains and Losses

Gain and losses…..I confess that I have gained 5 pounds of the 12 I have lost since February, well actually as of today only 4 but when I weighed last week it was 5 so be it. Last night at the gym, I felt the loss of strength. I had been working pretty consistently in the gym, making great gains in strength!! But yesterday during my weekly workout with my BFF I couldn’t get all my pull-ups done and being that we used the pull-up machine I had to increase the plates to help me lift! UGH! I felt like such a weakling and to top it off I was so frustrated with myself for letting myself go this past month.

I know I couldn’t help some of the situation but the food thing I can control, well may be that is obvious I can’t but I could have tried. And the truth is I could have cared less. I knew every “bad” thing I put in my mouth, every glass-bottle of wine that I drank, every workout I skipped, I knew it would reflect but I just didn’t care. I think though I have come to my breaking point of “enough is enough”. We all hit it. Some ignore and continue on the destructive path and some take a stand and change.

I am well aware that I cannot control everything in my life or anything for that matter. Except my hair, I can control it with a short haircut J I am well aware that my life is borderline if not totally chaotic, unstable, messed up, miserable, etc. But what I have decided is that I can’t live in this state any longer. There are choices that I made that have caused this situation but there are choices I can make today to be happier, to try and make it better. I have to bring happiness back into my life for my sake as well as my children. I’m tired of living in misery.

I’m not sure where my journey will lead me. I’m not sure of tomorrow. But I’m not going to worry about tomorrow any longer. Today is my focus. Because by worrying about tomorrow and yesterday, I’m liable to miss today and the small things that make the life worth every struggle.