Thursday, September 19, 2013

I am who I kiss it society!

Show up as you are not as you think you ought to be…I read this somewhere I don’t remember. So I apologize if you are reading this and I “borrowed” it from you. How many of us struggle with this concept? The just “ifs” in life. “If I had done so and so then I would be a” or “if I would just lose weight I could”… know who you are. I don’t think there is a single person out there that hasn’t said this before. Hmm, raise your hand I know you have! I know I sure have almost each and every day. Well may be not every day but probably pretty close to that. Especially right now as I struggle with weight gain again. “If I would just lose “x” pounds then I would be so happy”. Would I? I’m not so sure any more. I mean what would I gain? My hubby loves me for who I am now, today at this very moment. Believe me, I ask him ALL THE TIME! And his answer “more than you know”. That’s probably true. My kids love their Mama unconditionally. My God loves me, this I know. Side note, that song will be in your head all day now, you’re welcome. My real friends except me for who I am and those that judge me, well I don’t need that criticism in my life so who cares. But I do, you know I do. I am who I am at this moment. Aren’t we supposed to live in the moment? At least I try to, I want to. I remember when I was dating this guy back in high school. We dated for like 2 years or so. Anyway, I remember on a walk one night he said, “I think you are a homely beautiful”. What exactly does that mean? I don’t know why I remember that. By definition homely means lacking in physical attractiveness; not beautiful; unattractive: a homely child; not having elegance, refinement, or cultivation; proper or suited to the home or to ordinary domestic life; plain; unpretentious: homely food: commonly seen or known ( Geez, what a terrific guy right? Anyway, I don’t think he quite meant it that way. May be I’m not the most elegant, refined, cultivated woman out there in this highly cultivated overrated world but I beat I have my strengths that make me beautiful in other ways right? Why does our culture raise us makes us believe that we have to have the outward appearance to be beautiful. Why do people look at you and judge you simply on your outward appearance without knowing one iota about you? Such a struggle for so many. But I’m tired of living by current society standards. You know there are standards. You have to live in a certain place, have a certain job, etc etc…..If you weren’t popular in high school chances are you won’t be popular in life now. Right? I call shenanigans on that. I might not live in an expensive house by hearing last night from a teenage girl that “my home was welcoming” made all the hard work that we have put into it worth it. I am who I am at this moment but it doesn’t mean I can’t change, I can’t improve. I always say there is room to improve. This philosophy can be applied to anything in life. I am changing, improving, in some areas more than others. And I will strive to continue to improve but I want it to be God’s doing not society. I want to live by his standards not those that society deems. And that my friends is a challenge on itself.

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