Whew what a morning. I thought it was going to be a douser but it ended up being okay. Not the best but I know it could have been a lot worse, A LOT WORSE. I did not win Mommy of the year this morning either but I regained composure quickly.
The morning didn't start out bad, I mean I woke up like most mornings not wanting to get out of bed. The dog lying next to me wondering why my alarm is going off for the umpteen time, shuffling down the hall to wake up the teenager who ignored her alarm, dogs out, coffee started, etc, all normal. He even got up in a good mood and continued even when Emily yelled at us to hurry up. We took her to school (she has to be there at zero dark thirty for band practice, not really 6:30 but it is dark). And then we came back home and that is where it started to digress.
Being an aspie (aka Aspergers) kid he has difficulty transitioning and this morning was a morning that he didn't want to deviate from what he was doing, watching UTube videos on Minecraft, on my phone. Yeah, A+ Mom. Anyway, I asked him repeatedly to get dressed (yes I let him stay in his PJs while we take sissy to school, no biggie) and he started whining….you have to help me. So like any rational Mother I went and got his clothes and started helping him get dressed. This is when it started. Since he wasn't paying attention, I grabbed my phone and turned off the video. Since it has a password on it (thanks to him sneaking out at night to get it and watch videos) he couldn't get it back on. Things began to get frustrating but manageable. Then I made a vital error in dealing with him. I tried to rush him.
Yep! He becomes a ticking time bomb. The crying, the screaming, the kicking etc. I could feel my blood pressure rising quickly. So like any good Mommy, I tossed his shoes and walked out of the room. Which intensified his mood. I went about gathering my things, his backpack and finally told him, we needed to leave. Another explosion occurred because he realized he was using up his playing time at school.
Fast forward into the kitchen, still yelling, screaming, throwing himself around, pushing chairs, etc. I just about lost it. I became angry with him. Asking him "why are you doing this" of course he yelled back at me it was because he was missing play time, it was all my fault. Then I heard the voice. Use this as an opportunity. SO I felt myself relax and told him to go to his room. That is what our physiologist wants us to do with him. Send him to his room when he is uncontrollable. I didn't place him there long, just long enough to put my stuff in the car then I went back in. He had turned his TV on and was acting like it wasn't any big deal until I asked him to come on lets go, calmly. Then the emotions started again.
We got to school, he locked the door refusing to get out so I grabbed his backpack and sat on the bench, waiting. He came out, head butted me on the side and after a few seconds proceeded to go in where the morning continued to go downhill because two little monsters decided to take all the blocks even though three can play to a tub….Elliott broke down again. There would have been a time in the past that I would have scooped him up and walked out but today I let him sit there crying, even though it broke my heart. I tried to redirect him to something else but he wouldn't have it. Finally he picked up the remaining three blocks to play with and that is when I told those kids to give them some of theirs, the block hogs.
Now this all sounds like it too forever and it didn't. Really it was a total of 10-15 minutes from the first outburst until the time I got him inside school (we live a block away). He didn't give me a hug or kiss just his head for me to give a kiss on. But he did come to the window and wave to me as I pulled away feeling like the worst Mommy on earth.
I know he can't help it. And to others he looks like a big baby when he gets upset at that. If they only knew right? But it doesn't help my emotions at the time. It doesn't help me feel any better that I almost lost it this morning. It doesn't help that I was harsh with my words to him. It's just Elliott being Elliott. My normal not anyone else's.
I turned out of the school and headed straight for Starbucks for my Chai Latte, texted his teacher about his mood and said a little prayer for him. This morning ended up turning for the better.