Friday, October 4, 2013

I'm not serious right now

I get daily verses from Air One Radio Station. Today it was from Colossians 3:23 “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” Gasp! Swallow hard. It is like the verse is talking straight to me. I’ve been goofing off at work. Not taking my tasks seriously, not really taking my job seriously as well. Sounds horrible considering so many are furloughed right now doesn’t it? It’s not that I don’t like my job or where I work because I do. Like most jobs it has its pros and cons. Just right now, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to work. I want to be home to take care of my family and home. That’s where my heart really wants to be. And so I don’t put 100% into my job. Fleeting away are the dreams and aspirations of being a project manager, having a title and making lots of money. Well maybe just money because I work for a municipality and let’s face it, I ain’t going to get rich here. Some would say but both your kids are in school all day, whatever would you do? I would just be there for them if they needed me. I would take care of my house. I would just be a Mom. Years ago when I was in the military, I had a friend that was making sure I was staying on the correct path. At the time I was married to a jerk, no kids, and very young. Anyway, we were talking and discussing future plans. At the time I thought I wanted to be a veterinarian, live in a log cabin on acreage somewhere. But during the bus ride from base to our hotel he said, what if your destiny was just to be a Mom? I don’t remember much more of the conversation other than thinking, “Are you crazy” that’s plain dumb, that isn’t a career, that isn’t much of a job.” Fast forward even 5, 10 or 15 years later after obtaining two degrees, getting remarried, having two kids, you would hear me saying, “I’m super woman, I can do it all. Have a career and raise a family”. You know those women. Like Diane Keaton in “Baby Boom” where she is heavy into herself and her career only to find after taking guardianship of a little girl, that being a Mom is just as important. Love that movie. But now I’m not so much into the career. And really the last month or so I’ve really felt the pull not to be here at work and to be at home. Right now, financially it doesn’t make sense but 8-10 months from now it might just be doable. May be that’s why I feel the need to simplify, reduce spending, save more, etc. even so much to be taking “Financial Peace” at church. I just want to have the opportunity to be there for my kids when they get home from school. Until then I need to work willingly at this job in this particular season of life. Until the next season unfolds.

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