The Lego Man

Like many we have tons of Legos in our house. There isn't a room in this house that doesn't have a lego in it. And yes I'm sure if you look in our cars you will find some too!

So why with over thousands of legos, why would Santa bring more this year? Because the boy is obssessed. He got 6 legos sets at Christmas. And we aren't talking about any small sets either. I'm talking the big sets.

It isn't any surprise that by nights end he had 4 of the six sets completed before we stopped him.

It probably isn't any surprise that the very next day his Christmas money was burning a whole in his pocket and off to Toys R Us we went where he purchased another two sets. And it isn't any surprise that the Lego store was hit yesterday with yet another set. And it surely isn't any surprise that those two new sets are together and as of right now the last of the sets purchased or received is being put together as we speak.

 

And I'm sure before the weekend is over we will end up at Walmart purchasing yet another set or two of legos. The madness won't end........ 

25 days of high expectations

It’s the most wonderful time of the year……or that’s what the song says. I’m sitting here listening to Christmas music trying to figure out why I have this “meh” feeling? Is it because we are so busy this weekend that it seems over-whelming? Is it because I’m so busy at work we can’t see the end of the tunnel? Is it because my expectations for everything seem to be so high and so many things so unreachable or “not just right” that it is just disappointing and so then I go “why bother”? Hmm, I’m not sure what it is. But I know I want it to be the most wonderful time of the year.

I want my children as well as myself to remember what the holiday is all about. I don’t want it to be all about how many or what they receive for Christmas. I want it to be about Jesus, about giving to others, about family. So this year I told Emily that I was going to do the four gift Christmas. I read about the idea last year but in my heart I wasn’t prepared to do it and I even find myself leery about it this year but I also know that if we don’t start making changes now it will just be harder. The four gift idea: something you want, something you need, something to read, something to wear. I was even going to do a bonus and add something to watch.

I want Monday's to be movie Monday's were we watch a Christmas movie. Even if it is only an hour at least we will all be in the same room. I want wrapped Christmas stories to be unwrapped and read every night, I want daily advent time. I want, I want.....or wish or expect or dream. Doesn't it sound beautiful and wonderful. When in reality I know what it might turn out to be.......

I've been going back and forth, wavering on my expectations because I don't want the kids to be upset but I also know in my heart what I want, what I expect. May be I shouldn't, may be I should just let it go, but I am so tired of society making to so very difficult to raise a good valued family. Parenting is hard enough, and no I'm no giving up just because society is making it difficult and yes I know it is my job to decide what to do or not to do, or to subject my children to, so yes I will continue on my quest. I know there are some things you just can't change. And I know that even if their is some disappointment or my eldest might think I'm totally off my rocker, it might just plant a seed somewhere in the midst of their soul and if somewhere down the line it grows and blossoms into more then I have done my job.

It also helped that I ran across this blog today and it makes total sense. When You Need To Lower Your Expectations This Christmas So I will pray for patience and open the hearts of my family. So before we are off to the soccer marathon weekend, I'm going to put out some family traditions and get this party started!

The Last Race of the Year

Over the course of the year, I have had the privilege of running 18 events for a dear friend, Becky. Last year she was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. I will remember the day her daughter, Jessica called me, my heart sunk like a lead balloon. And as the weeks began in her fight I knew I had to do something too. I came up with the idea of running one event for every week of chemo she would have to endure. Anything went from duathlons to 5K to triathlons to half marathons and we would end with a full marathon. Jessica and I set out on a mission to bring awareness to a deadly disease to do our part of the fighting of pacing her to the finish line. Last Sunday we laced up our shoes once again to hit the road for our last 26.5 miles.

I came into the race under trained because of my own struggles throughout the training season with my family but I had committed to doing this so I was hoping to pull on past races to be able to dig deep from strength the dwells in me and I was very thankful of having a great friend run beside me as well as having others cheer us on. I wasn't nervous all week but something was off, I was stressed or unbalanced, worried that I would be that last one in on the pickup truck as they pick up the road closure signs. And yet I wanted to finish in a time period. I want that good first marathon time. Ridiculous. I mean any marathon finish is a good time because you finished. Right? Jessica and I had put a lot of time in encouraging each other when we needed it. And I'm thankful I had someone by my side through the whole thing!

That morning we woke up in Tulsa and started making preparations. I was out of my "normal" race routine and preparation but I was going through the flow. We left to go down for a big group photo all the while I was trying to maintain a good attitude a free feeling laid back it is what it is attitude and I was doing pretty good until someone mentioned a time cut off. Ugh, there goes my mindset. It went down hill and I don't think I ever shook it. So here is a helpful hint: don't talk about cut offs minutes before a race start. You don't know how your words affect other people's mental game. I had none. Now I know I shouldn't have let it affect me but I think I was more worried than I thought, more stressed out than I thought and that was the final straw so to speak.

Anyway, the first half of the marathon went well. I even came across a bar/restaurant with my maiden name. It was like my family was with me along the way:

We walked a little around mile 8 because my knee started bothering me but we continued on and had a great half marathon time. I felt good, I felt powerful. We were having fun, cheering others as we passed them. I would have to say it might have been one of the most quiet runs we have ever been on together. I just didn't have communication in me......

Neither one of us have ran this before. We had heard it was hilly, and that was an understatement!!! Some where along here I started falling apart. Jessica did her best to encourage me but I felt like I was holding her back. I told myself just to make it to the center of the universe. I was having to take more walk breaks by this time. My legs just felt like lead. I was trying all my tricks. Eat more and drink more but I just couldn't shake my mood. Finally, we made it to the center!

From this point on it was all mental. My legs just continued to feel like lead. We walked more and I watched our good time disappear. And I felt that I was holding Jessica back. I even told her multiple times to go on if she wanted but she stuck with me. And I can't say how grateful I am for that! I was trying to tell her mentlly to tell me a story to keep my mind off of the race but I just didn't have the words. I had kept Jim informed of where we were at along the way. He tried to meet us towards the end but I told him just to go to the finish line. He said we are at the last hill. So as we turned onto 21st street Jessica and I kept that in mind as we climbed hill after hill. And then we finally saw them and our boys! It was the push I needed to finish, even if it was just done the hill and around the corner. Tears fell instantly, we had finally done it!

It was an experience I will never forget.And although we didn't finish under 6 hours we did finish in 6:12 which is so much better than I thought we did. Again I so grateful to have experienced with a great friend (and all my other peeps) for a great lady!

My looking mirror is broken

I've got that feeling again......antsy, not where I'm supposed to be, not doing what I'm supposed to, some thing's coming, lack of focus on what I'm supposed to be doing. Ah, man I've broken my looking glass thingy and can't see what is coming around the corner. I just know something is coming. Change. Great, perfect timing. May be it is just a yearning to redecorate my house. Probably. But then again, my house always seems to be in a constant state of disarray. Although cleaner today than it has been of late. Chaos seems to always be lurking in our household too. Or just being scheduled to the hilt. I try so hard to keep activites to a minimum but with both kids participating in sports it is hard. 

I have 18 days until I run my first marathon. I should be ecstatic but I find myself going, eh no biggie. Partly because I'm way under prepared and partly because I've found my focus changing lately over the whole racing thing. Don't get me wrong. I love to train (most of the time), I love participating in events but I'm finding that my life just doesn't revolve around the next event, the next get together, etc. Of course I say that now but I will probably be involved just not racing everything there is. I find my peace when I work out. Rather it be lifting weights at the gym or running. But I've found a pull that wants to run more trail running. I want my family to be with me enjoying it just not on the sidelines cheering, volunteering or taking pictures. Although having your own personal photographer is nice too!

That all being said, I know that I have to work out. I'm becoming more okay with myself however I do want to change. It troubles me that I've hit a roadblock for the last several years with my weight at the exact same point. I'm determine to break that roadblock and because of certain things that have happened recently I think that is actually possible. The fact that I'm becoming okay with my weight with the way I look tells me that I'm at peace with an issue that battles so many women and men. Of course I do have my moments, my pity party moments, my Eeyore moments but I think everyone does and that is absolutely normal.

So back to feeling antsy. May be its because I'm running a marathon. May be its because I have so many projects I want to do at home and not enough time or money to do them in. May be its the time change this weekend. May be it is a lot of things all wrapped into one. I don't know. But whatever the wind blows in I know I'm ready.......

Rambles of a Scattered Brain

Random thoughts today because I feel scattered brained.

~I’m actually getting excited about Little Bat’s school year. Meet his new principal and assistant principal Monday and let’s just say they ROCK!!!!! After meeting with our original psychologist last week, I feel tons better on the direction we are going. Understanding more about Little Bat or it might be that I have listened to that voice that was so crystal clear not too long ago that said, be still. So I have and I’m seeing more about him than ever before. Good along with the frustrations. Anyway, after talking with his principal, I think he is going to have an amazing year!! Or at least that’s where I’m leaving it at right now.

~House projects are slowing coming along. Baby steps as my Mother says. I got a really cool cabinet done over the weekend and just threw some of my milk glass in it. I will take a picture of it when I have the time to rearrange it some more. So the bedroom is coming along nicely. Still have to hang some items. I want to make a couple of pillows for the bed too. Would like to at least paint our bathroom for right now, because it is going to be a major overhaul when we do it but I think we can do baby steps in there too.

~I’m hoping to make progress this weekend with the entry way. I would like to get some bead board hung and at least the little nook painted. I got some remnant fabric on sale at Hobby Lobby and I think one of them will work very nicely with the bench in that area. Fun fabric too! Can’t decide what type of coat hanger I want to use. I’m thinking I’m going to use what I got but paint it a different color than the wood coloring it is now. I also want to replace both boob lights on the ceiling. I’m thinking industrial type pendants?

~Stained concrete floors? Whatcha think? Might try it in the game room first before may be doing it in the kitchen or maybe we should try the entry way area, smaller and possibly not cracked. See our entry way and entire kitchen area is tile. Disgusting tile! Being that the kitchen area is so big, we are going to have to be conservative in what we do.

~We finally got rain yesterday. And the last few mornings have been somewhat cool……which gets me yearning for fall weather. I love the fall! It’s my favorite season. Of course I was born on the first day of fall so go figure that it would be. I have several fall theme decorations I want to do…..plus Christmas will just be around the corner don’t ya know.

~I’ve been toying with the idea of doing my full ironman next year. My thinking is that Sister Bat will be entering high school next year and will be getting busier and busier. So even thinking of doing long distant races will be crazy after that. Little Bat although busy will probably start getting busier, so I’m thinking I best take advantage of the not so crazy time and go for it. Of course I haven’t talked this over with Daddy Bat but like I said I’m just toying with the idea. It also means I have to get my bat booty in the water (pool) and start swimming…..oh how I love that L if I start now may be by next September I will be better confident in my abilities or disabilities in the water. Ever wish you could walk on water?

~So many things to do so little time……

Blessings from a Gift

So yesterday I finished painting my bedroom. Yes I said finished. See I’m a person that likes to see results immediately. I know don’t we all. So I’ve wanted to paint our bedroom and cover a headboard with some vintage napkins I found, so we made the headboard but before we hung it I knew I would be painting soon. Define soon. So I got the paint and painted just the wall in which our headboard would hang. I know lazy but it was a start. Anyway, a few weeks have gone by and I decided that my goal for the weekend would be to finish painting our bedroom. I thought it would only take a couple of hours. WRONG! It took me all afternoon. Really? Of course I had “help”.

But the purpose of this post isn’t about painting my bedroom, although it is a pretty color and things are coming together nicely, but I want to save that for another post. No, the purpose is about another blog post I came across today that made me stop and think about my own Pirfect Life. The author, Nancy Jo Sullivan, talks about her daughter who had down’s syndrome and how she found the blessings throughout it all.

During my afternoon of painting, little batman thought he needed to decorate my room. So here I am trying to work around furniture, kids and now decorations. I had a dinosaur, Legos and Lego books. After awhile little batman went to a friend’s house to play so I wrapped up painting and started putting my bedroom back together which included removing his decorations. So when he got home, needless to say he went to check and was a little upset that I had removed his decorations. He brought each exact lego he had created and put them back exactly where he had them. All the while, I’m trying to explain to him that I don’t need his legos in my room. I wish I had captured the look I got, priceless. But you guessed it, the legos are still in my room but they were relocated onto the window sill by my bed.

The point is I caught myself thinking this morning as I was reading Nancy Jo’s post that even though Elliott’s issues are difficult and stressful, he is so much a blessing in my life. I even have a Happy Mom’s Day banner hanging on my door because he insists it’s my day, every day. Smart kid!  The little love notes I get, that say Elliott Love Mommy with a flower and heart are so precious to me. So who cares if the Lego man in an airplane might not fit in with my deco, it was a gift from a blessing that I shouldn’t refuse!

Searching......don't we all?

I often wonder will I ever get it right. Will I ever stop searching? Searching…searching…searching for something more. I mean come on, who didn’t when they were younger search for freedom from your parents. You didn’t realize how well you actually had it until you were out on your own. Searching for the right man, searching for the right job, the right house, continuously searching for something, someone. Then at some point in your life you might give up for a while or even after you search for something you decide you don’t deserve it. Or you settle for something less than perfect. Don’t we all?

My head is spinning today.

I have a long for simplicity in a world that is so chaotic, including my own life. We live in constant chaos it seems. Drama, drama, drama. But do we make the drama, probably. I’ve gone down this road before, wanting to simplify as much as possible in my life. I will go on a non-buying spree, making do with what I have. Now don’t get me wrong, I have plenty. There is nothing wanting on my end….well may be a new pair of shoes or too? Don’t we all though? The non-buying I’m talking about is no eating out, no Starbucks (Love me some chai tea), even meals are basic no frills. And then…..I say screw it and go buy me a Venti Non-Fat Chai Latte.

Do you ever wish you could walk away from this life to something you dream of?

I dream of a farm, a farm house with a wraparound porch, a small town (I mean small-wherever one knows you name). Movies like Baby Boom, Field of Dreams entice me. My hubby’s town where he grew up is intriguing….. Could we, would we walk away from our jobs to run a farm/ranch? Crazy?

So am I silly for wanting something that will probably happen? Am I silly for thinking that if we moved to a farm that life would be so much better? Problems will follow wherever you are or new ones will creep up. But it is the simplistic lifestyle of being on your own land, of being in a small town, of all of it that I long for. Don’t get me wrong I know farming is hard. But there is something appealing to it.

I have plans, I have dreams.

I make lists. I should prioritize them. I get too many projects started and then get frustrated because they don’t get finished fast enough. I should be more patient but I have a vision in my head and I want the end result. Don’t we all? We want that end result. Something tangible that I can say, hey I did that. May be that is why I run. I can train, complete and race and say see look at my bling! You would think I would think the same way about weight loss but alas I don’t. I get frustrated and more often than not give up. Unless of course there is some type of contest related to it. I know better. I’ve lost weight on more than one occasion. I love to eat good food though. Don’t we all?